Boy Meets World slash--you read right.
Jan. 5th, 2004 07:23 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
vampmarielle.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
rareslash*Newbie Alert*
Hello! I'm Marielle, the "fandom whore." This is my first posting and my contribution is IMO very rare slash---Boy Meets World. Yes, that cute Disney show that used to play on ABC's TGIF. Who would've thought?
Well I have no shame.. So here's my fic. I hope you enjoy it!
Title: The Agony and the Ecstasy
Author: Mari Malloy
Fandom: Boy Meets World [Cory Matthews/Shawn Hunter]
Warnings: angst, character deaths, slash
Disclaimer: This characters aren't mine--they belong to Disney.
The Agony and the Ecstasy
by Mari
I'm so tired of crying but it seems that is all that I can do right
now. What is there left for me to do or say? I'm surrounded by the
crushed, crumbled, and devastated. I watched it all happen right it
front of me too.
Don't pity me. If there is anyone more deserving of pity, it
would be Cory. He watched it all, lived through it, trudged through
it. So strong. I can't imagine how. I don't know what I would've done
but I guess I'll never know. I was never even given the choice.
Shawn never called me. He never said goodbye.
----------------------
"Cory." A hoarse voice whispered into the phone line.
"Shawn?"
"Yeah..." His voice hitched in his throat. Was he crying?
Cory could almost see the tear tracks running down his best friend's
face.
"Shawnie, you don't sound so good."
"Yeah well, I don't feel so good." Shawn replied. His voice
was full of sorrow; pain was lacing his normally smooth words like
razor blades. The sharpness was painful to hear, and obviously
painful to say. "Cory...I think I'm dying."
So matter-of-factly Cory would've laughed if he could
breathe.
"Shawn? Where are you? Shawn? Are you sick? Listen to me!
Shawnie?"
"Cory, don't leave me." Shawn begged, his tears obvious in
his husky voice. "Please..I love..."
"Shawn? I'm coming, ok? Just..hold on."
------------------------
When Cory got to Shawn's dorm room, it was too late. Shawn
was slipping away; rising like smoke from the smoldering flames of a
soul to bright to be looked upon. Blood was everywhere; Shawn's
smooth face was too deathly pale against the backdrop of his
bloodstained sheets. The last trickling of blood still leaked from
Shawn's slashed wrist; his arms were scratched and rubbed raw.
Yet even as the picture of self destruction, Shawn looked so
beautiful. His hazel eyes were half-lidded and hidden by long, dark
lashes. His skin was so milky pale it seemed to glow as if the last
sparks of life fought valiantly to blaze on. His hair was a curtain
over his delicate features that were slowly getting colder.
Mortality touched a finger to Shawn, and he had admitted
defeat. It was 4:45. The sun was barely on the horizon. It would
never really rise again. It would just reappear and fade away.
Nothing could every rise again. Nothing could ever be good or pure
again.
Cory clung Shawn's lifeless body to him, his fingers coated
with Shawn's warm, vermilion blood. He didn't cry. He couldn't really
do anything except numbly dial 911 as all the light in his life
slowly bled away.
-----------------------------
Cocaine. No one wanted to admit it or acknowledge it but it
was true.
Shawn was killed by cocaine. Death by angel dust, one can
morbidly call it.
It was all over the dorm. The marks were all over Shawn's
arms. The traces were in Shawn's blood, at least the blood that still
remained.
Shawn, the tragic poet, the angel of the trailer park, had
burned too bright so soon. When he crashed, he took a Cobain-esque
turn. His fall from grace was the fall of the millennium and he
brought everyone around him crashing down as if they were spiraling
into a black hole.
There were candlelit vigils and hordes of people crying over
him on campus. Michelle from his Psychology class. Paul from his
Calculus class. Bridget, who silently ogled him every other day from
her seat 3 seats to the right of him in English 101. But none of
these people really and truly knew what it was like to loose Shawn
because they never had him.
Cory did, at least he thought that he did. But Shawn had
left him with hardly a backward glance. Why didn't Shawn come to him?
What was holding him back? Did he know that if he cried for help,
Cory would be there in a heartbeat?
Didn't Shawn know that Cory loved him?
------------------------------
The Matthews family grieved. Mr. and Mrs. Matthews cried as
if they had lost a son. Eric felt as if he was loosing a little
brother. Morgan sniffed at the thought of loosing an icon.
Topanga grieved. Shawn was like a brother to her. She had
grown up with him; they had gone through everything together. She
could remember when Shawn thought she had cooties, when he thought
she was a frizzy-haired cosmic freak, when he thought she was cutting
in on his guy fun with Cory. She could remember when Shawn was the
witness to the famous Cory-Topanga love story, when Shawn was the
only one on their side, when Shawn was there by their side at their
wedding.
I grieved. Shawn was everything to me. I loved him more than
I will ever love anyone again. He was my sunshine, even though he was
the moodiest, most tempestuous source of light in the universe! I
loved him. Damnit, I love him still.
At Shawn's funeral, every Matthews right down to aunts and
uncles were in attendance. The only Hunter was Jack, dressed sternly
one of his expensive Armani suits. He mourned the lost life of the
brother he barely knew, the brother he thought he knew, and the
brother he would never truly get to know.
Yet all of our nostalgic memories and bitter tears pale in
comparison to Cory.
At the funeral, he was the picture of calm resignation. He
held his mother's hand as she cried on his father's shoulder. His
face was as resolute as stone; he watched as family and friends spoke
about Shawn and his artistic soul and optimistic determination. Mr.
Feeny tearful read a poem Shawn wrote years ago; Mr. Matthews talked
about how he watched Shawn grow up to be a fine young man despite all
he had to go through. Topanga retold happy memories from high-school
and all of the trouble Cory and Shawn were constantly getting into.
"I can only remember one day that Shawn wasn't in
detention." She remembered with a sniffle and a halfcocked, mournful
grin. "It was his 16th birthday, because Cory and I snuck him out and
took him to Chubbie's."
Everyone's eulogies were heartbreakingly sad. It was hard to
remember that we were celebrating Shawn's life when every story
reminded us of how short it was. How much living he still had left to
do. Yet Cory's speech left everyone dazed and a bit wizened as he
simply rose to the pulpit, saying this with clear, unwavering eyes:
"When someone leaves as suddenly as Shawn did, it's hard not
to wonder why. It's hard not to be sad and wish he was still here.
But Shawn loved us and wouldn't want us to wonder or be sad. When
someone leaves, we should just look to when we will be seeing them
again."
--------------------------------------
"Cory." A voice, as soft as silk, breathed gently.
"Shawn?"
"Yeah...I've really missed you, Cor."
"I've missed you too, Shawnie."
"Yeah well, I really screwed things up, huh?" Shawn replied,
softly sitting on Cory's bed. His arms were soft and smooth again,
Cory noted with a smile. He was finally free.
"Your wounds are healed." Cory whispered, looking up into
Shawn's serene eyes as he sat up in the bed.
"Everything heals where I am." Shawn said with a sweet
smile.
"Must be nice."
"I didn't want you to see me Cory. I didn't want you to
hurt." Shawn said suddenly as tears that glowed like starshine
trickled down his cheek. Everything about him seemed to glow like
those tears, beautiful yet sad all in one dizzying, heartbreaking
motion. "I just wanted to say good-bye and that I love.."
"Shh." Cory said, drawing Shawn into his arms, sprinkling
kisses on Shawn's cool, luminous face. Shawn's mouth parted slightly
as he sighed in relief. This was the thing he had waited for. The
thing he lived and died for.
"I love you too."
------------------------------------
The first person to find him was Eric. Making sure Cory
stayed out of trouble was a full time job, after all. He thought he
was doing a routine check on his little brother.
He was sadly mistaken.
Cory was gone. Perhaps not in as great a blaze of glory as
Shawn yet he was gone just the same. His soul was blotted out in a
quieter fashion than Shawn. It seemed to slip away in the early
morning, silently pressing to all of us and tell us it was time.
Unlike Shawn's passing that took our breath away, Cory's seemed to
bring us closure. They won't suffer separately anymore. Now they can
rejoice together.
It was meant to be anyway. That fact did not make the
goodbyes any less tragic. They just became more final.
The autopsy said Cory passed away at 4:45. No one was
surprised.
--------------------------------------
Everything went by in a blur to me. The Matthews, now
dealing with the double heartbreak of losing both Shawn and Cory
within a week of each other, handled the funeral arrangements
quietly. Eric, devastated with the image of his baby-brother bled
dry, took on a heavy load when it came to the funeral. He finished
the arrangements when his parents couldn't bear to think about it
anymore. Jack somehow felt that it was his fault, first for not
saving Shawn and then for letting Cory drown in that despair. After
the funeral, he left Pennbrook with in a quiet sort of dignity that
contrasted greatly with Rachel, who also left as a nervous wreck.
Topanga, a young widow, felt obligated to stand by her
mother-in-law's side the whole time. She only cried but once, when
she found out from Eric and Jack. She never allowed herself to cry in
front of her in-laws yet anyone could see in her eyes, she was empty.
Even though she would never cry in front of anyone else, I heard her
crying in her room when she thought she was alone. Slowly but surely,
everything about her, which was composed mostly of memories of Shawn
and Cory, was being emptied out through her tears.
As for me, I'm caught in the middle. I suppose it is natural
to want to do nothing but curl up and cry but I'm tired of crying. I
can't help but be the bitter witness to it all. I saw it play out in
front of me like a movie, constantly guessing at the next scene but
frozen in shock and helpless to stop it.
The most striking image was the candlelit vigil in the
Student Union. Another mass of students had gathered, with pure white
candles illuminating their faces. Nothing this excited had ever
happened on campus before, and they were lapping up the sad,
fascinating scene. Girls talked about how much they would miss Shawn,
wishing they would've gotten the chance to date him. Guys whispered
that married life killed Cory and how they always knew it was a bad
idea.
None of these people knew. They just didn't get it.
How could anyone look upon that picture of them and not see
it? They were everywhere but no one looked at it long enough to see
it. The picture itself was so classic: a black and white snapshot of
Cory and Shawn talking under a tree in the green. How could they not
get it? I could see it in Cory's eyes and Shawn's smile. That could
have been the happiest moment in their lives. It made me sad, and
angry, and bitter but I felt special. I might be the only one on
Earth who can see it.
They loved each other. They loved each other too much to
ever be apart.
They will never have to be apart again.
Hello! I'm Marielle, the "fandom whore." This is my first posting and my contribution is IMO very rare slash---Boy Meets World. Yes, that cute Disney show that used to play on ABC's TGIF. Who would've thought?
Well I have no shame.. So here's my fic. I hope you enjoy it!
Title: The Agony and the Ecstasy
Author: Mari Malloy
Fandom: Boy Meets World [Cory Matthews/Shawn Hunter]
Warnings: angst, character deaths, slash
Disclaimer: This characters aren't mine--they belong to Disney.
The Agony and the Ecstasy
by Mari
I'm so tired of crying but it seems that is all that I can do right
now. What is there left for me to do or say? I'm surrounded by the
crushed, crumbled, and devastated. I watched it all happen right it
front of me too.
Don't pity me. If there is anyone more deserving of pity, it
would be Cory. He watched it all, lived through it, trudged through
it. So strong. I can't imagine how. I don't know what I would've done
but I guess I'll never know. I was never even given the choice.
Shawn never called me. He never said goodbye.
----------------------
"Cory." A hoarse voice whispered into the phone line.
"Shawn?"
"Yeah..." His voice hitched in his throat. Was he crying?
Cory could almost see the tear tracks running down his best friend's
face.
"Shawnie, you don't sound so good."
"Yeah well, I don't feel so good." Shawn replied. His voice
was full of sorrow; pain was lacing his normally smooth words like
razor blades. The sharpness was painful to hear, and obviously
painful to say. "Cory...I think I'm dying."
So matter-of-factly Cory would've laughed if he could
breathe.
"Shawn? Where are you? Shawn? Are you sick? Listen to me!
Shawnie?"
"Cory, don't leave me." Shawn begged, his tears obvious in
his husky voice. "Please..I love..."
"Shawn? I'm coming, ok? Just..hold on."
------------------------
When Cory got to Shawn's dorm room, it was too late. Shawn
was slipping away; rising like smoke from the smoldering flames of a
soul to bright to be looked upon. Blood was everywhere; Shawn's
smooth face was too deathly pale against the backdrop of his
bloodstained sheets. The last trickling of blood still leaked from
Shawn's slashed wrist; his arms were scratched and rubbed raw.
Yet even as the picture of self destruction, Shawn looked so
beautiful. His hazel eyes were half-lidded and hidden by long, dark
lashes. His skin was so milky pale it seemed to glow as if the last
sparks of life fought valiantly to blaze on. His hair was a curtain
over his delicate features that were slowly getting colder.
Mortality touched a finger to Shawn, and he had admitted
defeat. It was 4:45. The sun was barely on the horizon. It would
never really rise again. It would just reappear and fade away.
Nothing could every rise again. Nothing could ever be good or pure
again.
Cory clung Shawn's lifeless body to him, his fingers coated
with Shawn's warm, vermilion blood. He didn't cry. He couldn't really
do anything except numbly dial 911 as all the light in his life
slowly bled away.
-----------------------------
Cocaine. No one wanted to admit it or acknowledge it but it
was true.
Shawn was killed by cocaine. Death by angel dust, one can
morbidly call it.
It was all over the dorm. The marks were all over Shawn's
arms. The traces were in Shawn's blood, at least the blood that still
remained.
Shawn, the tragic poet, the angel of the trailer park, had
burned too bright so soon. When he crashed, he took a Cobain-esque
turn. His fall from grace was the fall of the millennium and he
brought everyone around him crashing down as if they were spiraling
into a black hole.
There were candlelit vigils and hordes of people crying over
him on campus. Michelle from his Psychology class. Paul from his
Calculus class. Bridget, who silently ogled him every other day from
her seat 3 seats to the right of him in English 101. But none of
these people really and truly knew what it was like to loose Shawn
because they never had him.
Cory did, at least he thought that he did. But Shawn had
left him with hardly a backward glance. Why didn't Shawn come to him?
What was holding him back? Did he know that if he cried for help,
Cory would be there in a heartbeat?
Didn't Shawn know that Cory loved him?
------------------------------
The Matthews family grieved. Mr. and Mrs. Matthews cried as
if they had lost a son. Eric felt as if he was loosing a little
brother. Morgan sniffed at the thought of loosing an icon.
Topanga grieved. Shawn was like a brother to her. She had
grown up with him; they had gone through everything together. She
could remember when Shawn thought she had cooties, when he thought
she was a frizzy-haired cosmic freak, when he thought she was cutting
in on his guy fun with Cory. She could remember when Shawn was the
witness to the famous Cory-Topanga love story, when Shawn was the
only one on their side, when Shawn was there by their side at their
wedding.
I grieved. Shawn was everything to me. I loved him more than
I will ever love anyone again. He was my sunshine, even though he was
the moodiest, most tempestuous source of light in the universe! I
loved him. Damnit, I love him still.
At Shawn's funeral, every Matthews right down to aunts and
uncles were in attendance. The only Hunter was Jack, dressed sternly
one of his expensive Armani suits. He mourned the lost life of the
brother he barely knew, the brother he thought he knew, and the
brother he would never truly get to know.
Yet all of our nostalgic memories and bitter tears pale in
comparison to Cory.
At the funeral, he was the picture of calm resignation. He
held his mother's hand as she cried on his father's shoulder. His
face was as resolute as stone; he watched as family and friends spoke
about Shawn and his artistic soul and optimistic determination. Mr.
Feeny tearful read a poem Shawn wrote years ago; Mr. Matthews talked
about how he watched Shawn grow up to be a fine young man despite all
he had to go through. Topanga retold happy memories from high-school
and all of the trouble Cory and Shawn were constantly getting into.
"I can only remember one day that Shawn wasn't in
detention." She remembered with a sniffle and a halfcocked, mournful
grin. "It was his 16th birthday, because Cory and I snuck him out and
took him to Chubbie's."
Everyone's eulogies were heartbreakingly sad. It was hard to
remember that we were celebrating Shawn's life when every story
reminded us of how short it was. How much living he still had left to
do. Yet Cory's speech left everyone dazed and a bit wizened as he
simply rose to the pulpit, saying this with clear, unwavering eyes:
"When someone leaves as suddenly as Shawn did, it's hard not
to wonder why. It's hard not to be sad and wish he was still here.
But Shawn loved us and wouldn't want us to wonder or be sad. When
someone leaves, we should just look to when we will be seeing them
again."
--------------------------------------
"Cory." A voice, as soft as silk, breathed gently.
"Shawn?"
"Yeah...I've really missed you, Cor."
"I've missed you too, Shawnie."
"Yeah well, I really screwed things up, huh?" Shawn replied,
softly sitting on Cory's bed. His arms were soft and smooth again,
Cory noted with a smile. He was finally free.
"Your wounds are healed." Cory whispered, looking up into
Shawn's serene eyes as he sat up in the bed.
"Everything heals where I am." Shawn said with a sweet
smile.
"Must be nice."
"I didn't want you to see me Cory. I didn't want you to
hurt." Shawn said suddenly as tears that glowed like starshine
trickled down his cheek. Everything about him seemed to glow like
those tears, beautiful yet sad all in one dizzying, heartbreaking
motion. "I just wanted to say good-bye and that I love.."
"Shh." Cory said, drawing Shawn into his arms, sprinkling
kisses on Shawn's cool, luminous face. Shawn's mouth parted slightly
as he sighed in relief. This was the thing he had waited for. The
thing he lived and died for.
"I love you too."
------------------------------------
The first person to find him was Eric. Making sure Cory
stayed out of trouble was a full time job, after all. He thought he
was doing a routine check on his little brother.
He was sadly mistaken.
Cory was gone. Perhaps not in as great a blaze of glory as
Shawn yet he was gone just the same. His soul was blotted out in a
quieter fashion than Shawn. It seemed to slip away in the early
morning, silently pressing to all of us and tell us it was time.
Unlike Shawn's passing that took our breath away, Cory's seemed to
bring us closure. They won't suffer separately anymore. Now they can
rejoice together.
It was meant to be anyway. That fact did not make the
goodbyes any less tragic. They just became more final.
The autopsy said Cory passed away at 4:45. No one was
surprised.
--------------------------------------
Everything went by in a blur to me. The Matthews, now
dealing with the double heartbreak of losing both Shawn and Cory
within a week of each other, handled the funeral arrangements
quietly. Eric, devastated with the image of his baby-brother bled
dry, took on a heavy load when it came to the funeral. He finished
the arrangements when his parents couldn't bear to think about it
anymore. Jack somehow felt that it was his fault, first for not
saving Shawn and then for letting Cory drown in that despair. After
the funeral, he left Pennbrook with in a quiet sort of dignity that
contrasted greatly with Rachel, who also left as a nervous wreck.
Topanga, a young widow, felt obligated to stand by her
mother-in-law's side the whole time. She only cried but once, when
she found out from Eric and Jack. She never allowed herself to cry in
front of her in-laws yet anyone could see in her eyes, she was empty.
Even though she would never cry in front of anyone else, I heard her
crying in her room when she thought she was alone. Slowly but surely,
everything about her, which was composed mostly of memories of Shawn
and Cory, was being emptied out through her tears.
As for me, I'm caught in the middle. I suppose it is natural
to want to do nothing but curl up and cry but I'm tired of crying. I
can't help but be the bitter witness to it all. I saw it play out in
front of me like a movie, constantly guessing at the next scene but
frozen in shock and helpless to stop it.
The most striking image was the candlelit vigil in the
Student Union. Another mass of students had gathered, with pure white
candles illuminating their faces. Nothing this excited had ever
happened on campus before, and they were lapping up the sad,
fascinating scene. Girls talked about how much they would miss Shawn,
wishing they would've gotten the chance to date him. Guys whispered
that married life killed Cory and how they always knew it was a bad
idea.
None of these people knew. They just didn't get it.
How could anyone look upon that picture of them and not see
it? They were everywhere but no one looked at it long enough to see
it. The picture itself was so classic: a black and white snapshot of
Cory and Shawn talking under a tree in the green. How could they not
get it? I could see it in Cory's eyes and Shawn's smile. That could
have been the happiest moment in their lives. It made me sad, and
angry, and bitter but I felt special. I might be the only one on
Earth who can see it.
They loved each other. They loved each other too much to
ever be apart.
They will never have to be apart again.
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