I'm probably going to hell for this.

[morphinelovexx.livejournal.com]

Title: Inequatible Commiseration
Fandom: Less Than Zero
Pairing: Julian/Clay
Disclaimer: I don't own this. I don't think I even wish I owned this. Too much crying.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: H/J, drug use, language
Summary: The hardest thing about destroying yourself, is realizing that the only one who could save you doesn't give a rats ass.
Word Count: 510
Author's Notes: So I watched Less Than Zero last night for the first time and ended up just crying my heart out the last twenty minuets of the movie. It's so amazing, which sucks because it is quite possiably the only movie that has made me just break down and sob like that. Robert Downey Jr. is stil my hero. I hope you guys enjoy my fanfiction, I know that there is like, literally NONE of it out there because it's such a mood kill, but if anyone here has noticed, I hate playing by fandom rules. As per the usual, my beta was the lovly and cheritable napalmiris, and I swear sometimes without her I'd lose my head. 

In those moments, the detached ones that usually happen when he’s just about to drift off to sleep on the hard ground, Julian remembers the way that things used to be. When Clay listened and they were attached at the hip. Way back in the day, when a few safe joints and a bag of Munchies were enough to satisfy Julian’s need to get away.

Rolling onto his side, Julian sighed heavily and closed his eyes, pulling his jacket closer as the sun rose. He missed Clay. Missed high school. The way they were all together, always. Late nights out, breaking every curfew they could without getting arrested. Him and Clay in the park, laying side by side after a wrestling match over something stupid while Blaire had watched and encouraged them.

A few stray tears slid down Julian’s cheeks, and he tried so hard not to acknowledge them. The look on Clay’s face…the accusing glare. He hadn’t meant to sleep with Blaire, really. He’d been so fucked up at the time that he didn’t really know what he was doing, where, and to who. What hurt the most was that Clay seemed to be more pissed at her. Like Julian wasn’t worth getting angry over, like he was nothing. Knowing he was shit was one thing; Clay’s silence telling Julian that was totally different. It had never been like that before.

He’d tried not to hate Blaire, but he did. When it had been Julian and Clay down in Julian’s basement over the summer, the summer they discovered soft core porn and Julian had discovered Clay-it’d been the best time of his life. Both of them watching a woman on screen moaning ridiculously as she touched herself, shifting awkwardly first away from each other then towards one another.

Julian remembered being fourteen and shoving his hand down Clay’s pants just to see his reaction. They’d laughed nervously and stared at anything but the other’s eyes. In the end, Julian had been on top of Clay, jerking him off and sucking hickeys into his neck, eager to see how Clay would explain his way out of that to his mother. Clay had been his then. But then Blaire showed up sporting a brand new pair of breasts and a laugh like bells ringing in Julian’s head. Bitch.

Sucking in a harsh breath that burnt his lungs and squeezing his eyes shut tighter, Julian tried desperately to shut out the past. To shut out what Clay meant to him, and what he now meant to Clay. It wasn’t fucking fair.

Sitting up with a frustrated sigh, Julian took out his plastic tube and scraped up what he could. The coke didn’t take long to wash through his system, to blot out his brain. Between clouds nine and ten, Julian was back in his basement. This time though, Clay was looking at him like he owned the fucking world.

Julian smiled dopily. "I looove you, Clay." He stretched the words and drifted away, somewhere between sleeping and high. Much better than reality. 

Someone kill me. Please. Just do it via e-mail so that no one will see. Otherwise see 'comment' button below.

Comments

[karaokegal.livejournal.com]

Wow. And Woof! And GUH! Great fic. Poor Julian. :)

[morphinelovexx.livejournal.com]

I know. This movie rips my heart out, seriously. Ow.

[candesgirl.livejournal.com]

It really is a harsh movie to watch, but I love it anyway. This was a sad little fic, but really rang so true to the characters, great job.

[morphinelovexx.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I..honestly hate myself for attempting it, but it's just decent enough to keep me from combusting where I sit now lol

[thimpressionist.livejournal.com]

Oh hell yes! WHY IS THERE NOT A TON OF SLASH FOR THIS PAIRING?! It's practically cannon dammit!

[morphinelovexx.livejournal.com]

BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS TOO BUSY WEEPING!

God I don't even know how I wrote it because it hurts thinking about it now lmao

Also, sorry for the later than late reply. LJ stopped emailing me so I have no idea when someone comments on something anymore.