rareslash | Falling into you

Title: Falling into you
Fandom: The Usual Suspects
Pairing: Dean Keaton/Roger ‘Verbal’ Kint
Summary: Keaton’s thoughts on Verbal.
Rated: G
Disclaimer: Fiction! I don't own the characters nor the film. I don't intend to make money from it, either.

The moment I saw him staring at me from across the street, I thought I saw something in his eyes. I don’t what that ‘something’ is; it’s just that his eyes were strangely hypnotic. Come to think of it, the other guys were staring at me from other parts of the street---they probably were trying to get me into their plan, yet Verbal’s expression stood out to me the most.

I can’t believe someone at the police station told Verbal where I stayed at. I guess they’d feel sympathetic to a cripple like him. Even I admit that I feel a bit of sympathy towards him. The plan he told me about was too good to be true, but again, those expressive eyes were enough to convince me to go with the no-kill plan. I got pissed off at him for criticising Edie, but he seemed so vulnerable after I hit him. I did need the money, and my chances for opening a restaurant were fucked up anyway. Maybe I really can’t turn my back on certain things.

Do I love Edie? Well, I don’t really know at this point. Maybe those guys were right; maybe I do see her as a meal ticket. But do I ‘love’ Verbal in the way that I ‘love’ Edie? Probably not, yet I’m feeling more than just sympathetic towards him. I didn’t really want to abandon Edie and let her down, yet I felt that I needed to be part of that team. After we did the taxi raid, I knew I couldn’t leave the team. Something compelling was keeping me there.

When he told me to just leave her a note, I didn’t know what to do. But his words---‘She’ll understand’, really made me feel that she will understand my intentions. I felt sorry for one second, but I knew that I couldn’t feel sorry any longer; I have to do what I have decided upon doing.

His hand gently touched my shoulder as he told me that we were going to miss the plane, and I felt myself slowly being pulled away from her. I felt as if I were being pulled away from her, and pulled towards Verbal and the other guys. I felt as if I was falling into Verbal and falling under his charm.
I seem to be unable to resist the temptation of joining the team; perhaps I’ve given up on resisting him.

Why do you do this to me, Verbal? Or rather, why do I allow myself to fall under your charms? Those expressive eyes; that wimpy voice; that inwardly turned leg. It’s not just fucking sympathy. It’s…I can’t quite put my finger on it. Friendship? Love? Empathy?

The more I think of it, the more I become obsessed with you. I can’t help it, and I’m falling into you.
It seems I’ve abandoned a beautiful and talented lawyer, for a helpless man. But I can’t express my feelings towards you---it’d break up the team.

Sometimes I feel as if I want to hug you, and say I love you. But I know I’m not allowed to do that. I want to kiss your tender lips, and say it’s going to be all right. Instead, I keep my mouth shut and I try to keep myself sane.

McManus and Fenster have known each other for a while; I’ve only known Verbal for a little bit. I don’t even know how to express my feelings to him, if I was ever allowed to do so. I wonder what Verbal considers himself to be. I’ve never heard of him being with a woman, but I’ve never heard of him to be gay, either. I don’t even know what he is, and I don’t even care.

We’re in this together, and at this point, I don’t mind if I die by his side.

I tried…Edie…I really did. But I’ve fallen under the charms of him.