Fic: "Dishonorable Discharge", Stripes, John Winger/Russell Ziskey

[rosehiptea.livejournal.com]

Title: Dishonorable Discharge
Author: rosehiptea
Fandom: Stripes, the film with Bill Murray and Harold Ramis
Pairing: John Winger/Russell Ziskey
Rating: PG-ish
Word Count: 759
Note: I wrote this rather silly story for a request at fic_on_demand. This story is set in 1981, when the movie "Stripes" was released. That's also when I saw it, but I did my best to keep them in character.



John Winger stared at the piece of paper in his hand.

"Germany! We get to go back to Germany and guard ballistic missiles! Is that the easiest job ever or what? Hey, I'll stand by that silo anytime!"

Russell peeked over his shoulder.

"Er, John, it just says you. Not both of us."

"Well, they sent you the same letter, didn't they? They can't just send me without you. We're a team."

Russell looked serious for a moment. "No, John. I'm being assigned to Japan."

"Japan? That's a totally different part of Europe!" bellowed John.

"Actually I think Japan is considered--"

"They can't do that, Russell. After all we've done for this country's armed forces, they can't just split us up like that!"

"Well, they did," said Russell.

"Wait just a darn minute! I'm calling the general and telling him we aren't doing it!"

"John, this is the army, not flipping burgers at McDonalds. We have to do what they tell us."

"I know, but... I'm not doing this! Not without you there!"

Russell stood silently as John strode to the phone and dialed.

"General Connor, there seems to have been some mistake here as to assignments," he began smoothly. "I recieved a letter assigning me to Germany, but it seems that you are splitting me up from-- On purpose? What do you mean on purpose? We are not jokers! We are valuable members of your-- Well then, I quit!"

"You can't just quit. We signed our lives away." said Russell frantically in the background.

John was still standing there with the phone in his hand. "Military prison? I... I see."

He hung up and stared at Russell. "They won't just let us quit."

"I could have told you that."

"Well, let's just think this through. They have to let us out if we get sick. How loudly can you cough?" asked John.

"They'd insist on a medical exam."

"I could give them a note from my mother..."

"John!"

"Fine," John sighed. "What if we went insane?"

"They'd put us in the hospital. You're just going to have to go to Europe without me."

John flopped down on the couch. "Well, there has to be something."

After a moment he spoke again. "Hey, do you remember what they asked us when we joined up?"

"What do you mean?" asked Russell.

"They made a big deal that we couldn't be homosexuals. If we told them we were, they'd have to let us out!"

"They're not going to believe us if we just walk in and tell them, John."

"What if we say it with a lisp?"

"That's not funny."

"Well, how about we go over to that bar on Second Street tonight? The one we never seem to see any women in. If they find out we've been hanging out in places like that, they'll have to believe us," said John.

"You know, you might have something there," said Russell after a minute. "I guess we could try."

That night they walked down Second Street to the Green Lounge. As they entered, John began to shout.

"Hey, we're just a couple of ordinary homosexuals. Except we're military types, so don't tell, OK guys?"

No one responded. John looked around the room. The bar was filled with men, and old disco tunes pulsed in the background. Some men were dancing on a small dance floor, while others sat at the bar drinking.

"Do you think I should have bought a tank top like that guy over there? It might be more convincing," he said.

"You'd look ridiculous in a tank top, John."

"Really? I think you'd look kind of sexy in one," John replied.

Russell laughed. "Let's go order some alcohol. I really, really need a drink."

"Wait," said John. "We have to make this look really convincing or we'll be stuck in the army forever. Kiss me."

"Kiss you? Are you kidding?" asked Russell

"What, you have some other guy in mind you want to kiss? That blond over there, maybe?"

"No, no." Russell licked his lips nervously.

Slowly, he leaned in and kissed John. The kiss lasted a long time, until Russell pulled away for a moment.

"I wasn't expecting tongue," he said.

"It's more convincing that way," said John.

"Well, I think we need more practice," said Russell. "Just to make it realistic."

John nodded.

"Yeah, let's make it really believable," he said.

Russell pulled him in for another kiss, saying, "I'm sure by the time the night is over, we'll be out of the army forever."

Comments

[tinnean.livejournal.com]

They seemed in character to me, John leading the way, and then Russell stepping in to lend a hand, so-to-speak.

I enjoyed this a lot. Thanks for posting.

-Tinnean

[rosehiptea.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much, I'm very glad you enjoyed it. I had fun writing it.

[tinnean.livejournal.com]

I forgot to ask. Will you be writing more? Not to be pushy. 0:-)

[rosehiptea.livejournal.com]

I'm flattered you asked! To be honest I hadn't planned on it. But if I get a chance to rewatch the movie I'll give it some thought. Thanks!

[lone-gunfreak.livejournal.com]

if you get a chance, try to get ahold of the extended version - some of the cut scenes are very slashy (thinking of the scene in the barracks in particular ...)